passion or pride?

So, the debate of the week has been whether I want to stay a Bio/Phys major, or if I want to switch back to music! There are a lot of pros and cons to go with each, but this is what I'm thinking:

Bio/Phys:
-lots of really hard classes
-not having time to be an artist
-$$ payoff
-lots more years of schooling

Music:
-getting to learn more about what I love
-being the untalented underdog in my classes
-being able to sing again!
-probably not making a whole lot of money

When people ask me what I want to do with music, I say, "BE A ROCKSTAR!" Which is actually kinda true, I mean, childhood dreams considered. But what I've been thinking lately is:

Biology:
Stuck being a research scientist or biology teacher if I don't get into med school

Music:
Getting to give music lessons or teach music class if I don't become a rockstar (which to me sounds just about as feasible as actually getting into med school)

(I mean, honestly, who doesn't want to be a rockstar?)

I don't really think I want a real "career" in biology, I just don't want to give up studying biology because it's just so damn impressive. I think the hard thing about switching back to music will be proving myself. In biology you prove yourself by studying really hard and getting good grades. Understanding concepts. In music you prove yourself by having talent. Now that's scary! Music is something I've been involved with my whole life: I started choir at age 5, piano at 6, violin (fiddle) at 9, ukulele at 10, voice lessons at 11. After all that, it would be hard for someone to tell me that I just don't have enough talent to go anywhere as a performer! But the truth is, I'm devastated not to be involved in music anymore. I miss gospel and jazz choir, and to be honest, I really miss singing and the community that goes with it.

The hard part right now is making up my mind and emailing my advisors to help me do the dirty work! I might change my mind all the time, but at least I'm not afraid to explore different avenues. The way I've been looking at it lately is, sure - I might be a "senior", but I'm still freshman age. At 18, I should be changing my mind all the time! Who cares if today I want to be a rockstar!

Busy Busy Busy

This Autumn started off with a bang.

Three weeks before classes began, I moved from my parents' house in Lakewood to an apartment in Seattle with my sister, Priscilla. Then I had to run back and forth between the two to continue working full time in Lakewood. I moved back to Seattle officially the night before my first day of my new job and my first day of work! 

My schedule looks something like this, which is crazy. I still work at Black Star Espresso on the weekends and my new job is at a coffee shop on Aurora that is just getting started. The advertisement is really poor, however, and I have only gotten 5 customers in the past two weeks! The good thing is I get a lot of homework done in the morning, which is pretty much the only time I have to do it.

As hard as it is to take all these science classes and work 32 hours a week, I really love my classes. It makes you appreciate school so much more when you get to do it, and you don't have to do it. I was telling Sam earlier today, the more you learn about God's creation, the more astonishing it is. I mean, learning about how complex everything in the universe is... it's mind blowing. I've never actually had that feeling before when studying science. 

Another cool thing is that I just started the process of applying to a week in Belize over Christmas break to study marine biology. The cool thing is, I went to Belize before on a mission trip and got to swim along the barrier reef and it was amazing. I can only imagine how much crazier it will be to learn about all those little fish and things that I thought were so awesome!

Trying to stay organized when you have a lot of different classes is ridiculous. From two weeks of class, I already have a stack of notes a centimeter thick to sort through (and that's just my own handwritten notes!). I have already rearranged the tabs in my notebook several times, been to multiple study sessions, and I'm still not sure how on top of things I really am. 

If nothing else, I'm happy about what I'm learning. It's pretty dreadful, though, to be a 'senior' in freshman classes and have to explain to everyone what that means for me.

15-17: Community College, Running Start, 115 credits (90 that I got to keep with me at SPU)

17-18, 18+: SPU, last year studying and nearly completing the Psych program (37 credits left), this year switching to Pre-Med.

I think it would be so worth it to hold out and finish the Physiology program here at SPU, but I am pretty stressed out and I'm having a really hard time holding all my classes together with work and everything.

That said, I'm outta here :)

steps

"Childhood is what you spend the rest of your life trying to overcome."


I read this quote today and I'm not sure what I think about it for myself. I guess I took it for myself as, "Childhood is what you spend the rest of your life trying to understand." I've spent every day I can remember in part thinking about parts of my childhood that make me who I am.

Right now I'm trying to sort my life out, as I'm sure I'll be trying to do for the rest of my life. I guess I just want to figure out how to live my life with minimal stress. Music is one of those things that helps me out a lot, and I've been thrilled to do more of it lately, little by little. It's been about a year break from anything serious, and now I'm just putting it back together. Last week I sang a couple little covers at a dorm music project with my friend Camille.

Also, today I started working on a little song with my honorary brother Zach Fleury. It's been fun, you know; the little things (: http://www.myspace.com/zachfleurymusic (Anne-Elise's Red Skates).

pause in life's pleasure

Today was a sunny day, which for a Tacoma winter is usually rare. I tried to take advantage of the sunshine by having my boyfriend Sam snap some photos for me. However, it turns out that he is just as shy behind the camera as he is in front of it. Oh well

 The mountain was still hiding a little today, but this is what I got after a few tries. This is my favorite place in the world.

too much planning: not enough doing

It's a scary thought, realizing you're in charge of your own future. Especially if, like me, you change your mind constantly. My first "what I wanna be when I grow up" was a singer, and when I was a kid I remember telling people that's what I was going to do. Everyone laughed, but I was certain I'd be rockin' out on stage. (When I was 8, I thought it would be the coolest thing to have a baby when I was 16: there were a lot of things I didn't get.) When I was 11 I decided I wanted to be a psychologist, because that was more feasible. I wanted to counsel people who went through as much shit as I did in middle school. And now, my Junior year in college, I switched from Music B.A. to Psych B.A. with a Music minor, to a B.S. in Psychology, to a B.S. in Physiology and a minor in Psychology. I guess my conclusion is I just don't care about people as much as I used to. Don't care about anything as much as I used to. I just want to make a lot of money and be able to prescribe drugs. To myself maybe? Well, you know. Life at it's finest.

Needless to say, I've never really followed through on anything big. I graduated community college last year. Big whoop. I'd really like to take a break from having plans. Just quit everything, take a step back, and enjoy whatever comes my way. Impossible?

dear viewer.

be kind.

Your opinion matters to me. I wanted to start a blog because I've seen so many pretty ones lately, and I really want a nice outlet. I can't say anything profound, and I don't do anything really cool with my life. I'm a student (of what, I keep changing), and right now that's all I know for sure. I used to think I'd become something, but lately I've just been trying to be what I am. I hope that works for ya.

lizzie.

ytrap emit!